Not Me Monday - My Little Angels

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. This week's NMM is a special Not My Child edition. It's hard to think of anything my little angels do that's not perfet, but maybe I can come up with a few...

Sport does not have an aversion to sleep so he does not come down the stairs every. single. night. to announce that he can't sleep, doesn't feel good, can't make his brain stop thinking... I have not overlooked this for many years thinking he would one day "grow out of it." I have not recently begun to envision nightly phone calls in my future from my college age son in need of a virtual tuck-in from Mom.

Spice does not need anger management classes. That sweet little shy girl you see out in public is the same sweet little princess we see at home. She does not conduct regular (daily) beatings of her older brother and has not been known to use a bicycle helmet as a weapon. She does not have a short fuse. In fact she doesn't have any fuse at all.

Since Spice is such a healthy eater, I do not have to resort to Deceptively Delicious style cooking techniques in order to get her to eat a vegetable. I do not have to spend extra money at the grocery store on little packs of sliced apples because that's the ones she will eat. She also does not refuse to eat "broken grapes" (i.e. cut-up) and I do not try to pass off every meat I cook as chicken nuggets in the hopes of getting her to try it.

Sport did not scream, recoil in horror, and cover his eyes when he walked in my room the other day and saw me standing there in a two-piece swimming suit. On the other hand he also does not insist every time we go in Target that the swim suit model on the large sign hanging from the ceiling looks just like me.

Spice did not just announce the bread I purchased at Trader Joe's yesterday is not up to her standards, then ask, "Did you make this bread 'cause it doesn't taste too good?"

My children have not become underwear obsessed. A favorite activity during our most recent hotel stay did not involve open their sibling's dresser drawer and announcing, "I see Spice's underwear!" or "I see Sport's underwear!" thereby sending the owner of said underwear into hysterics.

Not Me Monday - Family Fun Edition

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week. As for us, we've had a busy summer so far. Here's a few of the highlights...

We have not spent so much time away from home this summer and on the road that Sport and Spice have not been begging to "just stay home and lay there."

Spice did not give me a "foot massage" with a bottle of hotel lotion yesterday. When I told her I had enough lotion on my feet and she should put the rest on my legs, she did not grimace and say, "But they're so scratchy."

When I was attacked by a bird during our stay in Alabama last week, my loving family did not just sit and watch from the car. When I ran for safety and dove back in the car Hubby's first words were not, "Darn it! Where's the video camera when you need one?" I think it was something more along the lines of, "Are you OK, Honey?"

I did not avoid the dreaded chore of putting away laundry after our most recent trip by stuffing most of the freshly cleaned items back in our suitcases in preparation for our next trip to the beach this week. Our suitcase has not been sitting half-packed/unpacked at the end of our bed for three days now.

Sport did not lose the weapons that came with the Lego Bionicle sets he purchased during our trip to Louisiana within the first hour of playing with them. The rest of the family (i.e., Spice, Hubby, my parents, my grandmother, my uncle, and me) did not spend a good 20 or 30 minutes scouring the floor, the yard, the driveway, my dad's shop...looking for them while Sport sat inside happily playing with his new toys despite the missing pieces.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week.

Ever have one of those days where you constantly make decisions then ask yourself, "What was I thinking?" Well, I've had a whole week of those days. Here's a few of the hi-lites:

To start with, hoodlums did NOT break into my craft room in the middle of the night and spray graffiti everywhere, even though that's what it may look like in this picture.



I've got so many rooms in this house to paint that I've declared this the Summer Of Painting! I did not think it would be fun to let Sport and Spice scribble on my craft room walls with paint before I went over it all later with a roller. When I came up with this idea I definitely did not have images of the Brady Bunch episode where Carol and Mike first hooked up and the boys had to give up one of their rooms in order to make room for the girls running through my mind. You know the one where Bobby and Cindy - or was it Jan and Peter - bonded by painting tic-tac-toe boards on the wall and a grand time was had by all? I did lay down some ground rules first, but I did NOT think it was necessary to say things like, "Do not paint the baseboards on purpose." and "Do not fill your brush with so much paint giant gobs of it are oozing down the walls." I did not cut this activity short, very short, when things quickly started going down hill. A grand time was had by Sport and Spice, but NOT Groovie Mom.

I did not volunteer to help out at this week's Cub Scout camp so Sport, Spice, and I could all attend. When one of the directors called and asked me to be a den leader in charge of a group of 10-year-old boys, I was not so gullible that I actually believed him when he said ALL I would have to do is lead the boys around from one activity to another. Therefore, I was not at all slightly dazed and confused when I received my instructions for the week and they said things like:

"Create a den flag by lashing two sticks together..."

and

"bring a work bucket to store your pocket knife, duct tape, hammer, and other tools..." Now if I could just figure out which one of my pocket knives to bring.

And when I Googled "lashing sticks together" I did not find approximately 41,637 hits that involved eyelashes sticking together after putting on too much mascara and only one paltry You Tube video about actually lashing sticks together. I did not start to watch said video only to give up 2 minutes into it after realizing it was a two parter, each about 8 minutes long and the first set of instructions involved carving an X in the end of one stick and gathering nylon parachute rope.

Incidentally, I did not just spell Googled G-o-g-g-l-e-d in my last entry the first time I tried to type the word.

And finally, I did not sign up for a Zumba class coming to our church and then regret it after watching Zumba videos on You Tube and remembering just how uncoordinated I am. As a rule, I don't exercise in public. Heck, who am I kidding, I don't exercise period. Well, I've already staked out my position when the class begins. I'll be in the Front Row! NOT!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week. As for me...

I did not choose to focus our South American studies this week on chocolate. I am not running out of steam for our last week of homeschooling and so chocolate did not seem like a good way to keep me motivated. We will NOT use this as an excuse to make some delicious, yummy, really chocolatey confection.

I did not opt out of attending Homeschool Day at the Atlanta Botanical Garden this week because I am still recovering from our last foray into Atlanta. We did not drive around for a good half hour after the King Tut exhibit because the directions I printed out from Mapquest were wrong. They did not expect me to go down a one-way street backwards in order to get on the interstate. I did not follow an interstate directional sign and end up in a suburban area because there was never another sign pointing the way to the interstate. Atlanta does not have a problem with interstate signage downtown. Are you kidding? It is a major tourist destination/convention city so they want to make it as easy as pie for people to get around. After making a u-turn we were not all so happy to see another interstate sign and finally be on our way home. When we got up closer to the sign, we were not crushed to see that the arrow pointing the way to the interstate had fallen off and we were still on our own. I did not finally get us back to the interstate (on the other side of town) by following my own instincts and it did not start to pour down rain like it usually does as soon as we merged making it impossible to see the cars around me.

I did not call my parents Saturday to brag about how Sport schooled the 3rd graders in basketball that morning, scoring 14 of his teams 27 points.

Our countdown to Disney World has not reached the single digits!

Not Me Monday...It's Back!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week. As for me...

I did not miss the actual return of Not Me Monday last week because I've barely been in the mood to blog since MckMama's extended absence began and had given up on all things blog related.

I did not carry a thermometer around in the days leading up to Sport's First Communion and check Spice's temperature at random a dozen or so times a day because I was paranoid SOMEONE was going to get sick on the big day and something told me it would be her. The discovery of Swine Flu in Georgia the day before the event did not spur on my fears, nor did the arrival of my mother-in-law. Nothing against my mother-in-law, but there seems to be a disturbing trend in our household...every time she comes to visit someone gets sick, usually to the point of throwing up. We're generally a healthy family and I'd almost go so far as to say we never throw up unless she's around. We don't know why this occurs and there seems to be no scientific explanation. It just happens. So the combination of Swine Flu and my mother-in-law did not cause me to worry incessantly, nor did the memory of Sport throwing up in his Godmother's van on the way home from Spice's baptism four years ago. (And yes, my mother-in-law was present for that one too). Anyhoo, I'm happy to report we all made it through the weekend healthy as horses and Spice absolutely did NOT wake up with a 101 fever the day my in-laws left. That would be insane!

I do not force my mother-in-law to bring many packs of frozen crawfish with her anytime she comes to visit in exchange for room and board. Really...I don't. She simply does it out of the kindness of her own heart.

We did not scarf down the first pack of crawfish the day my in-laws left before they even had a chance to make the drive all the way back to Louisiana. That would make us sound like pigs and besides, crawfish are precious commodities for anyone trapped in Atlanta far, far from the bayous of Louisiana. They must be rationed!


I did not show my children this video to wrap up our Ancient Egyptian studies this week. Just like I did not show them this video as a study of Irish dancing on St. Patrick's Day. Although, if I had, those monkeys would have been a BIG hit around here...something the kids would still be talking about to this day.

I also did not have to stifle sobs during Spice's dance recital this past weekend when another class used this song for a performance. That song would have no effect on me whatsoever because I never worry about how quickly my babies are growing up and how they will be leaving me in the blink of an eye. I also would not decide to use this song for Spice and Hubby's father/daughter dance on her wedding day. That's soooooo far away and this song will be so lame by then. Besides, something like that would be completely up to her anyway.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week. As for me...

I did not see a sign outside a business that said "BLDG For Sale" on the way home from Spice's dance lesson and spend the rest of the day pondering,"How can you sell a BLOG?" "What type of BLOG would someone buy?" "I wonder how much they want for it?" Since I never mistook the abbreviation B-L-D-G for B-L-O-G, I did not have an AHA! moment when we drove by the same business again the next day and I realized it was a BUILDING for sale and not a BLOG.

In a chocolate related weak moment, I most certainly did not break my Lenten vows of no snacks after dinner by licking the bowl, beater, and spoon one night after making a huge vat of chocolate pudding for Spice to take to her pre-school class for a "dirt" snack. Even if I had succumbed and licked all of those things, it would not have mattered because the pudding had not set yet. It can't be considered food if it's still in a liquid state! I think something like that would have to be considered really thick chocolate milk instead of food.

In a similar moment of weakness, I also did not cut the Zip-loc bag open that held all of the leftover crushed chocolate stuffed Oreos also required for the "dirt" snack and lick every last bit of chocolate goodness off of it. If that had happened tho, it would have been OK because that's something I would have done in the middle of the day, not after dinner.

Finally, I definitely did not tell Sport to "download the dishes" into the dishwasher after supper so that I could quickly fix dessert for everyone last night. I don't even KNOW what would have to be going through someone's brain to say something like that. That would be beyond scatterbrained!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. It was a harrowing week around here. Take a look...

I did NOT lock my self out of the house one day because what I thought were keys in my pocket turned out to be a bouncy ball and rock - both confiscated from Sport. Neither one of which would have proved to be very good at starting the car. If that HAD happened, I'd have been delighted to find a spare set of house keys in my purse that I did not even remember putting there.

I did not roll right off of my new exercise ball and smack my head HARD on the basement floor while trying out a new pilates video. I'm much too coordinated and graceful for that.

While we're on the subject of injuries that never occurred, I also never got my hand stuck in the canister that holds the filter on the vacuum cleaner, nearly pinching off a very large chunk of skin. Hubby always complains I don't clean out the filter enough. If this had happened it would be a prime example of why I don't clean out the filter more often. That thing is a man eater.

Finally, Hubby and I did not sit around trouble-shooting why Sport's lamp was not coming on while I worked to reset the timer it is hooked up to until Sport graciously solved our dilemma by asking, "How can the lamp come on if it's not plugged in?"

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. As for me...

I did not scream, "STOP!!!" at Spice when I walked in the dining room and saw her cutting My Little Pony's hair then remember just as soon as the word left my mouth that I had given her pretend scissors just for that purpose about 5 minutes earlier.

I did not watch one of my dryer balls fall out of my dryer while doing laundry then turn around about 5 seconds later and see it lying on the floor and excitedly pick it up and throw it back in the dryer thinking it was the one that has been AWOL for the past few weeks. Since that never happened I was not disappointed just a few minutes later when I finished folding clothes and realized there was still only ONE lonely dryer ball in my dryer.

And finally, I'm so glad I did not go out and spend nearly $15 on junkie snacks to hand out after Sport's basketball game Saturday only to have the game canceled, leaving my family with a pile of nacho cheese flavored Combos and Kool-Aid drink pouches to consume. I would be so ticked if that happened. What a waste of money!

Wasn't Me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


As for me, I did not go to BJ's (warehouse club) to purchase a large amount of Ovaltine for my chocolate milk obsessed family then panic upon learning BJ's does not sell Ovaltine and purchase a 3 pound barrel of Nesquik instead. Ovaltine is filled with vitamins and minerals and just a tad of sugar. Nesquik has about 47 grams of sugar per teaspoon and nary a vitamin or mineral. I would never serve something like that to my family, especially not first thing in the morning. What a start to the day that would be! After not purchasing the Nesquik, I also did NOT come home and find a can of Hershey's chocolate powder in my pantry that would have served our chocolate milk needs just fine for a day or two until I could get to a REAL grocery store to purchase Ovaltine.

I also most certainly did not jot down a cookie recipe that I came across while my son was attending a homeschool Spanish class at a nearby church and I used the church's wellness center to sneak in some exercise for the week. Even if I had copied down that recipe (at least it was lowfat) I would not come home and proceed to make said cookies that evening. Why that would have totally negated the 45 minutes I put in on the treadmill that morning when I discovered the recipe. Even if I had gone so far as to make the cookies I would not proceed to eat more than my fair share of them over the next day or two after deciding they weren't up to snuff. (I told you they were lowfat.)

I did not interrupt my son's homeschooling and come thisclose to using "unfriendly" language in front of my dear sweet children when we logged on to look up masterpieces by famous artists and this man's picture

came up on the Yahoo homepage under the headline "Nation's Top Recruiting Class" instead of this man's picture

Doing so would mean I value football over my child's education and besides, it's February. Football's done until August. What do you think I'm obsessed or something? That would also make it look like I hold a grudge against somebody and Tiger fans don't hold grudges. Never.

I also did not admit to being a Tim Tebow fan to a Florida Gator loving friend while telling her about this article someone from my homeschool group sent me. (He was homeschooled ya know?)

And finally, I did not fail to participate in Not Me Monday last week because I completely forgot what day it was even though I was so excited about participating for the first time. I did not sit around last Monday thinking of all the hilarious things I would write for Not Me Monday when Monday finally did roll around only to realize on TUESDAY that I had completely missed out. What do you think I'm scatter-brained or something?